I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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