you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
