Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
