i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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