I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
