Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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