She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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