I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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