I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
