Your dad touched me again.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
