just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
