her vagine was all disorganized.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
