guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
