Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have fence marks all over my body
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
