I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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