A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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