in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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