My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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