Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
