How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
