I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
