i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
