just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize