he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
