Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
