We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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