i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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