sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
