i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
