I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
