i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
