Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
