i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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