Don't you send me to vm
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
