woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
