i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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