You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
