so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
