I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
