I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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