omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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