Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
