I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
