What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
