Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
