So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
