Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
