We named our party play list daddy issues
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ttyl tear gas
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
