I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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