NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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