he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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