the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
