he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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