I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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