Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
