Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
