I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
