Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
