p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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