Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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