Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
