You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The power of my boobs compel you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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