Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
