I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
