Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
