apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
