I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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