those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
