she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
