Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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