True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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