Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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