when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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