I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize