OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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