I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
