That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
