when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
