dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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