well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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