It's Friday. Sex?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
